"Loving yourself isn't vanity....it's sanity"
When I was a young boy, all I could ever dream about was being a husband and father.
Well, that and there was that time period where I wanted to be a squirrel, but that is a story for another day.
Anyway....I really wanted to be a father and husband and I just knew that if I could find someone to love me...really love me the way that I could love them, then I would be complete and all would be right in the world.
Throughout my life I was able to find plenty of women to love me. Not always the way that I loved them or even a healthy love, but they did love me.
Here is the problem.
I....didn't love me. Sometimes, I didn't even like me.
I didn't the way I looked, or the way I dressed, or even the natural sound of my voice at times. You see, the lack of love was so strong that I would do any and everything to avoid dealing with the pain of it.
I was more of a persona than a person.
Let me give you an example. I was one of those guys who pretended his voice was deeper than it actually was.
Super easy to do on the phone, not so much in person.
There were plenty of reason behind it and we can touch on that some other time, but for now I need you to follow me.
So there I was, in relationship after relationship with woman after woman, constantly searching for that special feeling to sustain me...to fill my cup.
It never occurred to me that a part of the reason why I felt emotionally dehydrated was because I was at the mercy of others to quench that thirst.
I need to say that again so that you can understand how important that statement was.
I was at the mercy of someone else to quench my thirst for love and completion.
If you don't know where I am going by now I want to clear it up for you. The only person who can ever make you happy is......
The only person who can complete you is....
I am not saying people who share your life cannot contribute to that happiness that you create, but it is only YOU that can create it.
Anything else is an extra, a plus...an add on.
Cherry on top..
Now....I need to make sure we create a distinction on the difference between loving self and being narcissistic. And oh what a difference it is.
This is self love, not self absorption.
This is about being the best version of yourself with love, compassion, empathy, truth and joy versus expecting or thinking your a or the center of any universe....yes...even your own.
Life is about Balance, Harmony and Reciprocity. With those leading tenets you can never be less than the "Who" you were meant to be.
With those concepts you can love yourself with wild abandon and still avoid the pitfalls of arrogance, narcissism and overwhelming selfishness.
That way lies pain and more pain.
Let me tell you. Giving up pain is not always easy. We pick it up in the most unusual places.
Sometimes we don't even know it. I get it. But I also know that there is time for you to leave those chains behind and embrace the art of being okay with loving yourself first.
And it is only here, in this space can you find the right things to fulfill you and any ache or pain inside. It is here that you can bring all of those missing or jagged pieces back into the beautiful picture that is you.
It is here that you can open yourself up to heal and love the most important person in the world first so that you can love others.
Don't worry. I have the answer and I need you to swipe "Right" for this one.
The answer is and has always been...You.